This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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