i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i drank out of a bidet.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
