he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
