just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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