I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
