I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
