i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
