no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
