I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
