how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Congratulations! We have a period
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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