you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
