he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
