There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
