Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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