i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
