We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
