i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
