I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Randomize
