i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He? As in you personified your dick?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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