dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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