You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
