I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
