he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
