Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
