Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
