it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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