On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
