I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
NoShamevember. You game?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
