you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
