Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
