Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
