My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
