just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
