So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
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