Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he fucked my hip out of place.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
