So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
