I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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