if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
