To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
