he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
