he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
