I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
