According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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