maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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