Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
