Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
