is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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