Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
