just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
