Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
