please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
