It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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