Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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