he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
